Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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