I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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