ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
