how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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