I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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