She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
