You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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