I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
