just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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