It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
