i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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