um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
