You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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