We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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