I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
