Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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