Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
is it fun? or sober?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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