Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
