Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
