My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
