I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize