FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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