I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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