apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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