So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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