just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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