I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
