Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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