Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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