He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
