i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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