If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
