By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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