If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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