just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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