My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
