did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
