this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
