i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
