Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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