Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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