are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
