I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
