...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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