Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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