i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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