That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
