you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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