I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
