have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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