A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
