do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize