its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
