Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
