Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
