I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize