my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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