maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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