please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
