I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
