Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
