Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
